Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
