called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
