You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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