Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
