I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
