just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
