Sry I called you an 8
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
