By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
