I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
