i may or may not be watching the land before time
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize