I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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