Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
