i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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