All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
