I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
