Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
