Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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