We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
