oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the condom got lost in my hair
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He felt like a one man threesome
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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