Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
