Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
