I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
