Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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