I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
