waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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