I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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