im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
this is an emotional support booty call
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
