last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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