i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
