He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
