dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She even gives head with a lisp.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
