So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
