I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
