Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You were trust falling into bushes
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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