You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize