Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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