The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
