I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
