he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
