Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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