totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
