I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
