I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
