Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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