I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
