So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize