She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
