Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
