someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
