Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
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