Need sex. Gaining weight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
