it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
there is glitter all over my balls
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
