My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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