When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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