I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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