Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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