kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
