I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
