You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
