Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
