She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
