Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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