She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize